at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
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