so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize