did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
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