What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Randomize
