Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Randomize
