Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize