I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
