i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
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