I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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