I'm gonna have a badass scar
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
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