Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
