You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize