just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
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