Sry I called you an 8
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
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