I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
