He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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