So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
