At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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