I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Randomize