how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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