He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
