I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Randomize
