hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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