i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
