Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
