There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Randomize
