don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
