why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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