i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
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