Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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