woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
