In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Randomize
