i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
love makes seman taste better
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I didn't notice because vodka
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Randomize
