I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
