Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
