Swine flu. Run for my life!
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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