My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
