Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
