4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
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