I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
