I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
COCAINE IS GR8
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
