I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
bring money and cleavage
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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