if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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