You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
