think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
