Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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