Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
