so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
