Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
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