Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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