I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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