worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
