So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Randomize
