4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Randomize
