i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
