My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
