Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
