White coat. Heels.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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