fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
You can't just leave with hair like that
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Randomize
