Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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