i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize