He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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