I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
