Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Come see our sink grown plant.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
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