Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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