Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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