Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize