No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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