i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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