I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
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