Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
