I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Randomize
