Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Randomize
