We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Randomize
