Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Randomize