one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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