How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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