Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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