I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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