YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Randomize
