We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Randomize
