Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
