dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
