I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Still dying that you shit outside
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
