my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I am one with the molecules
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
