I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
