omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
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