Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Randomize
