Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
