I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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