I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
