Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
