my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
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