Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
So squirting runs in the family.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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