Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
