your room smells of hookers.
And success
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I'm like, not good at living.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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