Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
