so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
