My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
