I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
