Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
