At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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