Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
