turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
