She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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