She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
