i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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