Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
