I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize