Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize